10 February 2015 Update and DENALI

10 February 2015
6:30 p.m.

Today was another day of steady (albeit, slow!) progress on Finn's journey to a full and complete recovery from RSV and acute respiratory failure.

Let's start with the positives:

1. Finn had a lot of alert time today. He was up and active this morning, and had a couple of moderately successful breastfeeding sessions.

2. More alert time this afternoon, and even gave daddy a bunch of smiles!

3. The wean on his sedation medication has been accelerated. So far he's handled the change in dosing and timing of those medications very well. The sooner we can eliminate the sedation medication the more success he will have feeding.

4. I had another great meeting with the hospital's lactation consultant today. Her name is Judy and she's every bit of an earth mama, making her way in this miraculous medical facility. She explained some "tricks to the trade" with pumping to increase production and to increase effectiveness. Apparently, she met with the people from Medela and Stanford University who developed this particular model. She knows her stuff. She talked about a bunch of natural resources to increase milk supply, especially a plant called moringa. Tomorrow, she might send Kyle to a halal market in the Langley Park neighborhood to pick up said plant. (Or, I might order some capsules or tea that can be delivered via Amazon Prime by tomorrow evening!). She reminded me to keep up with our "kangaroo care" -- that skin to skin contact where Finn lays on our chest and syncs his heartbeat with his mama's (or daddy's). After 16 days in the ICU, where kangaroo care simply wasn't possible, I'd sort of forgotten about the power of oxytocin (the love hormone), and a mama's (or daddy's) rhythm, touch, feel, scent. Kangaroo care isn't just good for baby Finn. It's pretty important for mama, too. And, she's fighting the good fight with Tricare so that we can get an industrial strength human milking machine at home.

5. This afternoon Finn was moved to .25 liters of oxygen. He completed a "room air" trial, but he's not quite ready. At first Kyle and I felt really disappointed that he wasn't ready for room air, because getting to room air would be a HUGE milestone. But, he did tolerate another oxygen wean. This morning he was on .33 liters of oxygen. Now, since 2 p.m., he's been on .25 liters. Yesterday and the day before he didn't tolerate .25. So, he did make progress today. We are one step closer. We are one day closer.

And finally, Denali.

A few years ago I traveled to Alaska on business. I was thrilled about the opportunity to travel to Alaska and represent my company, but I was really nervous about leaving the lower 48 when Everett was so young (he was about 18 months old)*. Kyle and I talked through it, set a plan in place for support at home, and I committed to the trip. I had a few hours of downtime and was able to take a quick tour at Denali National Park. As I boarded a tour bus to return to park's main entrance a family of five caught my eye. Mom, Dad, and three boys. They were dressed in matching rain gear. Their backpacks were coordinated. They had aluminum hiking sticks. The three boys ranged in age from 8-14. This family was doing it -- they were hike in camping through Denali National Park for a week. The kids had to pull their own weight, literally. The mom and dad found a way to use frequent flyer miles to transport a family of five from Chicago to Alaska.

Of course I was missing my boys back at home, but when I saw this family board the bus and settle in to the row of seats in front of me, I knew there was a reason our path's crossed. In that moment I decided our family, too, would experience a vacation of a lifetime, hiking and camping through Denali.

At some point during the early hours of this crisis I set my sights on our family vacation to Denali. I envisioned Everett and Finn hiking through the park. I saw all four of us setting up camp, and looking for the "big five." I mediated on the peaks and valleys of the mountain ranges. I imagine the calm of the lakes and the rush of the streams. I thought about sitting around the camp fire singing kumbaya together. Whenever I couldn't quiet my mind I'd look at Kyle (or call him on the phone) and say "Denali." It was our code word. And he would just start talking about Denali. He would describe our family hiking a trail, with Everett working as "the leader," and Kyle and I walking hand in hand and watching our boys discover the world. We talked about what it looked like, what it felt like, how it smelled, what we saw, what we heard. We needed an anchor. Our future family trip to Denali became our anchor.

Denali or bust. Summer 2023. Join us? I'll rent a whole freakin' tour bus and emblazon #FinnStrong or #LoveWins on the side.

*For the record, my nerves about traveling so far away from Everett were NOT calmed when I received a phone call from daycare asking where Dad was!! Yes, that's right. Kyle "forgot" to pick up Everett one day. Whewie did that send me in to a bit of a tailspin. We all survived, though. Love you, babe!