Groundhog Day

2 February 2015 7:00 p.m.

The words aren't coming easy tonight, at least as I sit down to write an update. I've got so many entries half written in my head. Stay tuned for "People of the PICU," "Love in an Elevator," and "Denali."

But, tonight I just want to write an update. We are in a slow, steady recovery with Finn. Based on our current prognosis, we have many more days ahead with Finn in the ICU.

On Saturday Finn's breathing tube was removed and he was placed on a high flow nasal cannula.  Praise the almighty! We held our baby. Hallelujah!

Then he dealt with some serious challenges as the sedation medications were adjusted.

Then, on Sunday morning he started to "desat" (the level of oxygen in his blood was too low). He was switched to a RAM cannula. We are grateful that he was not reintubated, as during the "desat" period there were discussions of reintubation.

Now it's Monday night. He's done well on the RAM cannula and they are starting to wean the levels. Then, he would move back to the high flow nasal cannula. Eventually he will be on a lower flow of oxygen. We won't be leaving the ICU until all of these steps are accomplished. They tend to make changes to the machines only once or twice a day. Meaning . . . as things continue to go well we still have many more days in the ICU. And, I've only discussed his respiratory health. I haven't even begun to explain the sedation medications and how much time it will take to safely wean him off of those drugs.

So, today's update is slow and steady. Today's update is that Finn is taking itty, bitty, teeny, tiny baby steps toward recovery. Today's update is still #FinnStrong and #LoveWins.

Today's positives:
1. I had some really great quality time with Everett last night. I went home for dinner, bath, and bedtime. Everett and I had a lot of special moments. We recorded videos of reading stories together. At bedtime I asked Everett if he had any "big feelings" he wanted to talk about. He said "no."

I asked if he had any questions he wanted answered. He said "Yes, I have a few questions."

Here's a recap of our conversation.

Jen: "Okay, Everett, what are your questions?"
Ev: "Want do you want to be when you grow up?"
Jen: "Hum. That's a great question. I want to be a mommy."
Ev: "But you are already a mommy!"
Jen: "Okay, I want to be Wonder Woman."
Ev: "What does Wonder Woman do?"
Jen: "She loves all the babies and delivers ice cream and cookies and has so much fun playing all day!"
Ev: "Oh, well you can be Wonder Woman now. But can you bring cookies and ice cream to our house first, before you take them to other babies?"

2. It's Monday. I never really cared for Mondays before. But, Mondays in the PICU seem full of energy. There is a different feel around here on the weekends. The hospital slows down. The staff changes. Monday was buzzing. Lots of docs on rounds. Nurses were full of energy from what I imagine was a fulfilling and relaxing weekend.

3. The Chapel. I've been going to the chapel everyday. It's a quiet space, an Interfaith chapel. The energy feels different there, than here. Sometimes Kyle and I go together, sometimes I go by myself. Today Kyle and I went together and we were able to release a lot of fear and anxiety. We were able to talk about the future and our family.

4. Support. Before this all started I was scheduled to return to work after a standard 12-week maternity leave. Finny Foo is 10 weeks old now, meaning that my return to work was imminent. Our nanny was to start her "On the Job Training" today. First, I am so thankful for the support from both of our employers and colleagues as Finn works to recover. Secondly, I could not be more grateful for the support of our nanny. Right now she is helping our family in ways she will never fully appreciate or understand. She is shopping for groceries and cleaning/sterilizing/organizing toys and doing laundry and communicating with grandparents. And, she's doing it with grace. She and her husband went to Everett's Smart Start basketball practice, just because he asked. She's creating crafts to do with Everett. She picks out movies, get the supplies for homemade pizza.

My mom looked at my a few days ago and said, "you got a good one, Jen."

This is not the job she signed up for, but she's risen to the occasion over and over these last 13 days. I know that good begets good. Good will come her way as a result of her altruistic actions these last few weeks.

Thank you, Ros.

#FinnStrong
#LoveWins