Walk a mile in my shoes

9 February 1900 update

Good evening FinnStrong Family! Well, we seem to have settled in to a "new normal" that we expect will be the "normal" until Finn is discharged from this hospital. I've been at the hospital since early Friday morning, and I'm pumping and nursing around the clock (every three hours, or q3 for you medical types). Finn is working to wake up from the sedation medication. The medical team adjusted his dosage and wean schedule today, so we should start to see some progress on his level of alertness. Over the weekend Kyle's visits to the hospital were less frequent, as he was home caring for Everett. Now, Everett is back in school Monday - Friday, so Kyle is able to spend a little more time here.

Today was sort of a doozie. It was our first "business day" on the new floor. So, we met a new medical team -- new residents, interns, students, nurses, technicians, pharmacists. Kyle has a really great description of the trust that we've established with members of the medical team throughout this journey, but suffice it to say we will be working on trust building with the new team. When I worked in Higher Ed we always talked about helicopter parents -- you know, the parents that just hover, non stop, over their children? One of my colleagues and I used to joke about "cutting the cord" . . .  well . . . Kyle and I officially classify as helicopter parents. Or maybe today's term is "drone parents?" We have a lot of questions, a fair amount of opinions, and we just want our boy to be healthy and to take him home. I never longed for "normal" so badly before in my life! One of these days we will tuck both of our boys in their beds, and finally rest our weary heads on our pillows, in our home, together. One of these days.

Our big boy is being so brave. Last week he started to show his feelings with his actions -- he was running and hiding, he was pushing and shoving. This week he's started to verbalize his feelings. We've started to share pictures with Everett, and we've even let him see Finn on FaceTime. Everett misses Finn. Everett wants to know when he can hold Finn again. Everett misses me. We've done everything we can think of -- recordable storybooks, videos of me reading stories, a visit to the hospital atrium (Everett is not allowed to visit the hospital proper), lots of open ended questions about "big feelings." My uncle even had the cheerleaders make a cheer for Everett.

Each day here is one day closer to recovery. Tomorrow marks 20 days in this hospital. Tomorrow marks 4 days since I've stepped outside the doors of this building.

Today's positives (Today Kyle and I actually had to sit down together and brainstorm ideas for this list. We really needed a moment to center and sit together and sort through the junk to find the positives).

1. Finn has tolerated .3 liters of oxygen most of the day. They tried him at .25 and he just didn't tolerate it. We'll try again tomorrow. So . . . we have to go to .25, and then .12, and then ROOM AIR!!
2. The medical team developed a new wean schedule for his sedation medications. Hopefully he will tolerate the wean schedule and also start sharing more alert time with us!
3. We had a couple of "moderately successful" feeding sessions.
4. We ordered Everett's birthday present! Our big boy will turn four in less than two weeks. He's getting a big boy bike. He mastered the balance bike a few months ago, so now he'll have a bike with pedals. It's blue, because Everett's favorite color is blue.
5. We spent a couple minutes talking about celebrating Everett's birthday. Bowling, pizza, and cupcakes are in order for our favorite almost four year old!
6. Walk a mile in my shoes. Today I walked a mile on the 7th floor of Children's National. The Charge Nurse told me that one lap around "the floor" was a sixth of a mile . . . six laps later I had walked a mile. I'm hoping to do two miles tomorrow.
7. Our new med student is named Kat. She's chipper. She's fun. She thinks Finn is suuuuuuuuuuper cute. My college roommate is Cat. So, Kat makes me think of Cat. And thinking of Cat makes me smile.

Finn is Strong and Love is Winning.

Tonight I will pray for sleep. And milk production. And that my boys (my infant, my preschooler, my 36 year old, and four legged pups) rest easy. And, I will dream about the day that our entire family of six (four plus two dogs) are together, under one roof, surrounded by love (and a little chaos)!

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