FAQs

Yes, I did that. Here are some answers to the your most asked questions.

Q: Any idea when he will be coming home?

A: No, no idea, no timeline. We'll got a lot of milestones to reach before we will have an idea of his recovery timeline. But, we do know he will come home. Whatever that looks like and whenever that happens will be just fine. Because he will come home.

We do know that Finn works on his own timeline. It took more than two years to conceive our little Finn. His labor and delivery was much longer than Everett's. But . . . when Finn decided he was ready to enter the world he came with gusto! We hope he'll do the same when he turns the corner of this illness.

Q: How long had he been sick?

A: He'd been congested with "just cold" for a few days. We were not concerned about it until Monday night/Tuesday morning when I took him in to his primary clinic. We saw a doc and explained the symptoms. The doc examined him and said his "lungs were clear." He did not have a fever. The next morning I took him to the ER. Multiple docs examined him in the ER and multiple tests were conducted (including an RSV test). All of the tests were negative and the doc interpreting the chest xray said, unequivocally, "this is not a pneumonia. It's 'just a cold'." We were discharged. Less than 6 hours later he had spiked a fever and was in complete respiratory failure. Less than 10 hours after our initial discharge he was in a trauma room, surrounding by 14 docs, nurse, techs, etc and they were saying things like "ma'am, were doing everything we can" and asked me to summon Kyle to that ER immediately. Something like "your husband needs to be here with you as soon as possible." It was the stuff that parents' worst nightmares of made of, but worse than that.

Q: What can I do to help?

A: Keep our family in your prayers, thoughts, words, and deeds. Do what you do when someone you love is hurting. Send us encouragement --- a note, text, Facebook post, comment on the blog. We kept this information private for a few days, but all of us need support. We have a network of friends and family all over the world. So, if you think of us, reach out. Trust me, you aren't "bothering me." I will respond if I can, but do know that I have reach and appreciated every single message we've received.

Choose love. Hug your babies. Then hug 'em again. One more time for good measure. Pick up the phone and call that person you haven't spoken with in awhile. Choose love.

If you are nearby and can offer support to Everett and our team of people back at the house let me know. If you can reasonably meet Kyle or I at the hospital (or home) for lunch, coffee, or to drop off a meal, thank you! Most of you reaching out have beautiful babies of your own, and the PICU during cold/flu season is no place for visitors. We have a long road ahead and look forward to our playdates after Finn is recovered and far, far away from the hospital.

Remember us in six weeks, when we are still coping with this experience. Check in with us then.

Wash your hands. Cover your mouth (with your elbow, not your hands). Listen to your gut and your mama's (or daddy's) intuition.

Hug your babies.

Q: What's the set up at the hospital like?
A: Real answer -- the PICU is the saddest place I've ever been. So many kids with so many different critical illnesses. I wouldn't wish this experience on my worst enemy. Well, unless my worst enemy's baby was critically ill, in which case I'd pray that my worst enemy's baby recovered.

I can't stay in that sad place for long.

So, let me tell you everything that is great about our set up. We have a recliner in Finn's room, where we can sit, and sleep. There is a sleeping room down the hall (more of the same recliners) and it is pitch black 24/7. We have access to a washer and dryer, refrigerators, microwaves, keurigs, showers, towels, and fresh linens. I have a hospital grade breast pump and can sit near Finn when I'm pumping. Often, when I start pumping he starts moving his little mouth and has a sedated version of his natural suckling reflex. I believe he can smell the milk and is dreaming of being in mamas arms with those big, giant milking machines near him.

Q: How are you and Kyle holding up?
A: We have faith that Finn will go home. And most of the day, most of the night, through most of the conversations with docs, nurse, and techs we hold strong to that faith. But we break. We cry. We question. We pray. We breathe. In the early moments of this crisis we promised each other that no matter what happens we will be stronger parents for this. No matter what happens we will be stronger partners for this. And, no matter what happens our family will be stronger for this experience.

My eyes are more bloodshot than I even knew was possible. We're both on different versions of the "PICU Diet." Kyle's relies heavily on potato chips, hot dogs, coffee, and chocolate. I'm sticking to small meals of yogurt, granola, fruits, veggies, bagels, hard boiled eggs. I don't either of us has much of an appetite. Yesterday I didn't have a ounce of coffee. That won't happen again.

We have a lot of support here right now. Kyle and I are both resting as much as possible.We are trading shifts at the hospital. So far, at least one of us has seen Everett every day since this started. I'm pumping every 4-5 hours, so my rest is in small stretches. Last night, our birth doula came to the hospital and gave each of us a massage. Another friend is working on a healing and restorative yoga series for me.

Kyle and I turned toward each other and chose love a long time ago. That doesn't mean our marriage is perfect, but we know how to choose love, and we know the power of love.

Don't get me wrong . . . this sucks!

Q: How is Everett?
A: He is in the best hands. He's doing okay. We have a strong vernacular to discuss fears, concerns, questions and I am confident in the foundation we've given Everett. He will talk to us (or his people) when he's having "big feelings." He loves Finn so much, and he asks about when Finn will come home every day. There are some outstanding professionals here who will help us help Everett with this.