The words are not coming easy tonight.
I can tell you I had a great time with my big boy earlier today. We played "hot potato" and worked on a craft. We read stories together and rocked. I can tell you I was holding him so tightly.
We've learned a lot about the whole "breathing by a ventilator" thing. Today the team explained the phases of intubation, of which there are three. The first phase of intubation is the acute phase. Next, you reach the plateau phase. Finally, the wean to extubate phase. We are in the plateau phase. There are many extubation "trials" before the breathing tube is removed. We've also learned a lot about the "sweet spot" of sedation. Well, perhaps "sweet spot" isn't the right term. Basically, the body has to be awake enough to work the lungs and diaphram, but not so awake that the baby gets agitated by all of the tubes and lines running in and out. The nurse explained that we are at a point where they really have to perfect the "art" of the ventilator, sedation, etc. The science has been running things so far, and now is the time for art and science to work together.
We've had a lot of questions about the timeline for all of this. I wish we had a timeline, but Finn will tell us when he's ready. He and the doctors continue to work together toward a full recovery.
We are currently approaching the one week mark. And that's terrifying. A week since I held my baby. A week since I sat with him and nursed him in my arms. A week since Kyle and I slept next to each other and held each other in our arms. A week since our perfect little family sat together at our dinner table, joined hands, and blessed our meal. A week since I hollered at Rex for constantly being underfoot! We aren't there yet, but it's fast approaching.
Finn will tell us when he's ready.
One day at a time.
He made a lot of progress earlier, but maybe he was running sprints, and now he's taking some time to recover. Maybe he'll run a few sprints again in a bit.
A friend reminded me earlier "he's got a freaking army (errrr. . . Special Purpose MAGTF) of support behind him."
He's a strong warrior.
For now, Kyle and I are settling in for a long night. In a few minutes, we will sit together and breathe and pray.
Our nurse tonight is an "Army brat" and her grandparents live in Okinawa. She's telling us stories about spending her summers in Okinawa and working in her Obasan and Ojisan's (grandparents) sushi shop. Talking with her took me to a happy place. She's normally a NICU nurse, so she has a lot of experience with babies.
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